just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
