Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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