You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
