I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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