"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
