Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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