you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
