My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
