he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
