I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
