One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
