this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
