Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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