i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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