The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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