I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Swine flu. Run for my life!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
