I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
