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at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
