i can't believe i had my finger in that
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
