are you so shy because you have an std?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love having hate sex.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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