I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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