I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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