If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
