so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
