Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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