I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Less talking, more tequila
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
