You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
