i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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