You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
