I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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