can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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