i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
