She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
