no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
where are my eyebrows?
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