Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He passed out mid-signature
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
