we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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