Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
