I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
