and you said cock pushups were impossible
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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