i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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