I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Randomize
