If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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