so explain again why im purple
no
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
