to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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