I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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