do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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