Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
