Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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