so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
