you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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