i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
