like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the day after is always just damage control
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
